Beowulf Consultants
Outsource your guilt
Every day, business leaders have to make decisions they know will affect people’s lives. With a wealth of consulting experience, we know that doing what’s right for your business can often feel terrible.
Beowulf Consulting units are designed to be sociopathic and narcissistic. Without empathy, they’re able to complete tasks no human being would be able to do without sorrow or remorse.
Services
$8,999 p/m
Smiling on the outside, calculating on the inside, entry level Beowulf Consultants easily handle tasks ranging from basic administrative duties to retrenchments.
Up to 160 hours of service per month.
Basic customer support during business hours.
$24,999 p/m
Advanced-level Beowulf Consultants can be programmed to be ruthless when it comes to handling complex tasks such as negotiations, difficult customer service interactions, and high-stakes project management.
Up to 200 hours of service per month.
Priority customer support.
Weekly performance reviews.
$39,999 p/m
Elite-level Beowulf Consultants can be programmed to thrive relentlessly in fields such as legal consultations, PR disasters, corporate takeovers, executive decision-making, and crisis management.
Unlimited service usage.
24/7 premium customer support.
Optional reprogramming for evolving situations.
Quarterly strategic planning sessions with a senior consultant.
Contact Us
Interested in working together? Share the challenges your business is facing and we’ll be in touch shortly.